Hey Joshua,
I don’t know if you can get GayDar in China? It’s got a pretty sexual edge to it but it’s the dating site my friend met his long-term partner on!
Just to add my voice to the throng – brave and true decision to come out in your situation; being gay isn’t a choice or a moral decision,and definitely not a ‘lifestyle’ – it’s as much an unalterable part of you as your hair and eye colour.
I reckon people on here have it right, too – if you can pluck up the courage to check out the gay scene here in Chengdu and meet some new friends that way, everything will seem easier – sometimes it just helps to talk to people who’ve been in your situation.
All the luck in the world, you are doing an amazing thing and I promise you’ll have loads of good times as a result!
L x