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＠JerryS: didn’t wanna downplay a bit about being hurt for i’ve been burnt badly myself, but it was a long time relationship, not just two weeks, or twelve months for that matter. didn’t wanna say anything about the past, i simply buried it and moved on. Albeit i no longer trust girl that easily, it definitely does not make me wanna boys neither （sorry buddy, i don’t dig that being a reason for people wanna be homo）. if she treats it easy, then it is easy：attitude matters here.
BTW, does the photograph club still meet at the bookworm? let me know the time please.
Lucy, was this by any chance a ‘language exchange’ that ended up beyond the spoken word!?
Nice to see JerryS back on form, it’s more meat for ‘JerryS The Movie’, coming to theatres in your insanium soon!!
@Brendan, Hi, it was not a ‘language exchange’ thing,
we met cuz a mutual friend of us invited us to party.
and i kind of fell for him in a very short time cuz he’s so charming…
honestly, i kind of threw myself at him.
so look back on it, not just his fault.
RE: “not just his fault”
As you said, the truth hurts. It’s not ‘just’ his fault, I’d wager it’s *mostly* yours…unless he lied to you and said he wanted some kind of committed relationship *with you*, you were likely in the mindset that after you spread your legs you two are ‘together’, when the likely situation was the conversation never happened (in 2 weeks) and he was just accepting an easy new experience in the ‘du. A big presumption, but it’s a common scenario.
@Lucy: get a cat. They live 13 years and then you get another one. Less headaches. less mice, more loooove
@ Brendan, totally! Been busy lately… So last night one of my students (a san shou fighter that trains at the sports uni) told me in very broken English, ‘i can get any girl, you want to f*ck a girl? her?’ I just laughed and had to decline 20 times for him to get the point. I guess *Its* that easy heh.
@ Lucy, men are charming at initial meeting. Some can be genuine and some can have schemes. Its only with experience that you can build your defense. Asian American women ALL have this girl shield defense (men call it something different). Build it up and learn to play hard to get. We men like something to work towards to. Cumbersome at times, but worth it in the end (builds a better relationship).
Sorry to echo Rick in China’s sentiments but it was 2 weeks.
Girl, ball the f up, you met this guy at a party, he was probably drunk, I’m sure he had another girl or two on the go at the same time. I have guy friends who are exactly like this. They’re nice, they speak some Chinese, they have an OK job and pasty skin… and I guarantee this dude had no idea about how you were feeling.
If you made his bed the morning after, before you left his place, that did not make you his girlfriend. If you texted him lots and went out for dinner a few times, that did not make you his girlfriend. He’s a laowai, he thinks differently from Chinese dudes and it will come across as prick-ish, but he most likely had no clue about how you were feeling.
I would steer clear of dating young foreign guys. Most of my friends are this guy. They just wouldn’t know they’re being that way, or that a girl was super into them or whatever. On the plus side, JerryS seems like a keeper!
http://www.cracked.com/article_18673_6-scientific-reasons-breakups-suck-worse-than-you-think_p2.html
THERE’S THE ARTICLE!
Yea i’m a creeper Danielle. Good stuff, learned much from what you wrote. Always great to have a strong woman’s perspective.
@Vic: reg. photography club; we are meeting on the 7th june at 7:30PM in Book worm. The theme for May is “Macro” 😉
@Danielle: the infiltration of frat boy culture into the mainstream means that alot of the younger guys will boast about their conquests (maybe exaggerate) and present themselves as studs, whereas in the past a true player (dare i say don juan) would be more discrete. I don’t doubt that some of the guys you know are indeed dirty dogs, but the culture of boasting and “I nailed that bitch”-isms makes it sound far worse than it is. Some of these cats can be found crying into their beers a few weeks after one of their “conquests” dumps them….
@Ray True enough, but I have been in China long enough and had enough male laowai friends to know that those who are getting laid frequently by more than one woman are often not really looking to settle down with any particular one (I’m not judging BTW!). Some of these guys are actually in pseudo relationships but are only here for a short while so also have other ladies they see. They don’t have a problem with any of it because they’re young, they’re not here forever, they’re off travelling a lot and they’re generally busy so just don’t have the time for something long term. Nothing wrong with that, certainly, just think the girls in question need to be aware of that when they start ‘seeing’ a foreigner.
Certainly agree that the real playas are probably keeping things on the DL. Think I know a few of those types too, haha…
The whole culture of *number* is a bad thing. Objectifies women and sees them as ‘pit stops.’ I rarely use that b*tch word now a days. Unless its in a disdainful way to describe someone. Infact, friends of mine who are happily married rarely used the b-word, even when they were single. I guess its the priorities of what each man wants in a woman.
While, like Ray described, the Don Juans in the world respect women with a passion. That is why they are loved and liked by women, while envied by men. Alas, China is a different world and its a ‘gold rush’ for those looking for ass.
<3 the speculations about how “real” players ‘work’, and how ‘fake’ players end up pimpin’ and bragging = the situation. Especially since it’s all posted by .. a women [who is probably more correct than] and self proclaimed failures at being players.
I’d say Danielle is most morally correct in her statements in that her information is here as a safeguard for potentially heartbroken women who ‘fall’ for something and expect something else. This is probably more common in China than western countries (ala American uni student abroad in Paris? cha bu duo ma?) but the failure is that relatively *hot* women are easily tricked into thinking white=money/success, based on local social culture and marketing rather than reality, and it becomes less about charm or personality than skin hair and eye color. Men will fuck you anywhere, anytime, and for any reason, if you spread your legs and allow them to fuck you — this is the truth, the “truth hurts”, but if you don’t want to get heart broken stop spreading your legs — unless you know how to orgasm from drunken sex and don’t really give a shit if he gives you his name or number.
The guys who whine about other guys who “play” without their magnificent “Don Juan” false-stereotype of discrete and loving ‘I care about you honey I just want to stick my dick in someone else, sorry your name isn’t honey?’ are likely those who tried and failed, didn’t have courage to try, or would rather try it on with another dude, quite frankly, how does that truth feel? Cockblockers? 😀
@Rick: A young girl asks for advice and we end up with “if you don’t wanna get heart-broken stop spreading your legs”. Dude, you are a class act.
This is shaping up to be one of the best threads ever, can we have some more worldly wisdom on the language of ‘Lurve’, please!!
At first I thought this thread was going to get buried, but instead it’s turned out to be awesome. A lot of this stuff is just psychology, but it could get philosophical really quick.
Rick is right though. If you make it easy for people to take advantage of you, it will happen.
Throwing westerners into a world of eastern dating culture is a pretty interesting dynamic. As far as I understand, in Asia, society has been conditioned to be very homogenous. None of us would describe the average Chinese to be independent, unique, or express very much individuality relative to each other. So as a result the population of Chinese males is pretty identical, passive, and frankly, kind of feminine (just watch any Chinese MV). The only way to distinguish them from each other is by their social status, ie bank account (Audi? A4, A6, A8, R8?).
Enter, the western man. Stereotypically confident, wealthy, powerful, aggressive. They stand out in appearance and attitude in comparison to the weak, passive, socially awkward Chinese male. The Chinese woman is captivated (mostly the younger generations). It’s pretty easy to guess what happens next.
It’s pretty interesting to note that the perpetrator of this thread was called “charming.” I can’t imagine a “charming” Chinese guy. And this is in no way meant to be a diss of Chinese men (as I am one myself, maybe not culturally, maybe half culturally, I don’t even know). It’s just a consequence of the culture, which happens to go against the norms of natural selection, where the pack follows the alpha male.
That’s just my 两毛.
Also Chinese women can’t be accustomed to many Chinese players (though I’m sure there are some), just due to the numbers. There aren’t enough women to go around, so Chinese guys would be lucky to have one.
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