March 21, 2012 at 2:10 am #17992GAVVIEParticipant
Sorry folks,Maybe I got carried away some.This is supposed to be about “Cultural Differences”.
It seems to me that that family is more important here than back home. My wife eplained to me that her son in law’s parents are also her family.Maybe some comments from Linka?March 21, 2012 at 2:25 am #17993
I don’t have any comments, i was busy thinking about some dialogue about date with a girl, although i never have that experience, kind of challenge……….
don’t put me wrong way, it’s not what you think about!
Just teaching job 🙂March 21, 2012 at 3:14 am #17994
@GAVVIE RE: “Son in law’s parents are also her family”
This isn’t the case where you’re from? I think you need to specify “back home”, because I know lots of western communities where this is also most definitely the case – I also think popular media may indicate a standard here also..look at “Meet the Fockers” for example, they’re “family”, no? They may not be “close” family, but they’re family.March 21, 2012 at 3:20 am #17995JerrySParticipant
They are considered immediate family (if the thinking of core family solely resides with you), its an Asian custom. Unlike western culture, where you see them as ‘their side,’ Asian culture sees this as bringing various peoples together.
This custom is also similar with Native Americans. Its the ‘village’ mentality, whereas limited resources, need more people to farm/agriculture ect ect.March 21, 2012 at 3:20 am #17996
I think it’s kinda inaccurate to say that family is more important here than back home. I know lotsa friends who have extremely close families in the west. The difference here is that you gotta support your family, since there’s basically no social welfare. I sometimes wonder what’s gonna happen here for some of the foreigners who have gotten hitched with local girls, when one day she announces “my parents are very old, and now they must live with us”. I know for me, that’s a deal -breaker. I don’t wanna inherit someone’s folks; have enough trouble with my own!March 21, 2012 at 3:44 am #17997
Having the “in-laws” – not both, generally, but when one passes and the other is left alone – live with their child/husband/wife, is pretty common anywhere me thinks. You may say “gotta support your family”, but I think that in western countries when your parents are old, if they’re not wealthy when they retire, you’d do a lot to support them too – it’s that it’s more of a requirement here like you said because of the lack of adequate social welfare. I think in general, when you marry, you inherit your in-laws mate, good luck negotiating that one out 😀March 21, 2012 at 4:36 am #17998SteeevyoMember
While I pack stuff into bags, person behind me checks out my stuff waiting to be processed by the cashier. Like picking it up and inspecting it.
This happened to me twice here in Chengdu.
I mean, seriously ….March 21, 2012 at 6:00 am #18002
@ Rick: gotta disagree. I would say that in the west most guys, if told that the girls folks didn’t dig him would say “That’s cool. I’m not marrying them”. I’m speaking from experience back home, and her parents dislike of me had no influence on our cool 4 -year relationship. Ok, here’s my pitch:
Man Seeking Chinese Woman:
Must be ridiculously hot
Parents must be deceased (if girl is estranged from them, that’s cool too)
Ok, let the storm of shit rain down down downMarch 21, 2012 at 6:18 am #18003SteeevyoMember
From a personal view it is very hard for me to even imagine a workable relationship.
I mean there is girls, well educated girls, fluent english speakers, working in good jobs, independent and super smart. But then on the other hand they are living with their parents, then they are on a curfew (in their 20ies mind you).
I find it very confusing and it kinda freaks me out.
And what i see around me in many commited relationships between western dude and chinese girl:
-The parents cant know about it (I know so many like this)
-The parents dont approve
-If the parents approve they still control the life on the weekends
Not to discourage anyone, love is usually stronger than that. But I guess there is a massive cultural gap here. Its not only that family ties are still stronger here it is also that they work in entirely different ways.March 21, 2012 at 9:22 am #18008
You get hitched here, you buy a one-bedroom place. Problem solved. The in-laws ask, you say “No, that is NOT a sofa-bed”.March 21, 2012 at 9:40 am #18009
what do you think that foreigner will have to arrtact this super hot and parents already died Chinese girl ?
What he have?
handsome face? good character? or sex ability? or humor?or some special things which makes he very different?
what he have?March 21, 2012 at 9:46 am #18010
(don’t get all riled up, I’m just joking. Sort of.)
Edit: Whenever I think of the question Linka asked, I think of Too Short,
“No need to be a player or a superstar
She ain’t trippin on you she’d rather fuck your car “
Except replace “car” with passport. 😀March 21, 2012 at 9:50 am #18011
passport it is depends, somebody may be ok with Chinese passport. only people who want human right very much will want diffrent passport.
And point also is not because have that passport then will have very good life, it is also depends that person himself.March 21, 2012 at 9:52 am #18012
Ray, super hot bitches wont get hitched if all you got is a 1-bdr 😉March 21, 2012 at 9:57 am #18013
This is good topic too, about woman from China, and man from west, any good quility relationship need equal, what you have ,what he have ,what you both can share.
If want long term play, that’s need equal. I was wondering what the man can provide later,what will make them keep good? woman can grow too, after excitement with this man at the first part, she will learn and know new things, she will grow, then she will ask more…
then what you can give?March 21, 2012 at 10:04 am #18014
Laowai with one bedroom pad = human garbageMarch 21, 2012 at 10:10 am #18015
RE: “If want long term play, that’s need equal”
I agree – generally, esp in China, the guy will continue to earn more money, and the woman will continue to grow older and less desirable? Totally unfair relationship for ‘long term play’!March 21, 2012 at 10:11 am #18016
This Chinese woman stay with west man will be more and more, nothing wrong with it, actually it is very nice.
But if talking about relationship, that always will have lot to discuss.
Laowai with one bedroom pad it’s not human garbage .that is ok!
But relationship always ask more, more than money things. right?March 21, 2012 at 10:12 am #18017
@rick, you are not talking about relationship, you are talking about buying goods.:)March 21, 2012 at 10:14 am #18018
That’s not generally how it works here? Oh, you must be in _the other_ China!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.