Singing Red Songs

Today is the 90th anniversary of the founding of the Chinese Communist Party. Party officials and hangers-on across the country are competing for the award of Sloppiest Buttkiss during a Red Song Performance and the only thing capable of spoiling (multiplying) the fun is the Internet. Below are a few gems picked up by the vigilant Chinese netizen that I think you too will find amusing.

Commemorative “Red Songs” Website Hacked, Defaced

Hackers messageTwo college students tried to cash in on the current Red Song craze by building a website (reportedly spending 300,000 RMB) and were promptly hacked and crucified by the Chinese web, which left the message at right behind. While Red Songs are playing on every radio and television station, once again tech-proficient Chinese youth demonstrate their prowess and will to subvert. This particular stunt has attracted a lot of attention from both supporters and critics and underscores the difficulty that the Party has guiding the internet toward its own corner.

The message left behind by hackers mocked the creators of the website and was retweeted on Weibo (the Chinese Twitter) thousands of times. The message, roughly translated:

You idiots, who do you think you’re fooling with a website that you claim 300,000 rmb was spent on? Red songs may be able to cure cancer but won’t stop us from hacking your website. Your website is shitty and full of bugs despite spending so much money on it. You shame China’s youth.

Ouch.

A Patriotic Staple Gets Reworked

A spoof on the classic Communist Party theme track, “If it weren’t for the Communist Party,” uses Tom, the talking iPad kitty (Youku clip embedded below), to change the lyrics from “If it weren’t for the Communist Party there would be no new China” to “If it weren’t for Kang Shifu there wouldn’t be any instant noodles” . The song is one of the most popular and most revered of all Red Songs; spoofing it with an iPad app is tantamount to sacrilege.

A Tale of Two Cities, Chongqing and Guangzhou

Newspaper headlinesAn image (at right) showing the headlines from major newspapers in Chongqing and Guangzhou the day of the Party’s 90th birthday are making the rounds. The headlines on the top are from Guangzhou and all carry the following three lines:

Don’t allow loud spectacles and clapping to drown out the voice of the people (?????????????)

Don’t allow congratulatory statistics obscure today’s problems (?????????????)

Don’t allow development and growth numb our vigilance (?????????????)”

The headlines on the bottom are from Chongqing and read:

“Red song sung across China (??????),

Red Song’s praise the Party, sung across China (???? ????),

Glorious dancing and singing in respect for the historical achievements of the Party; Raise the flag and on to future glory! (???????????????????????!)”

For netizens this is a clear and easy to understand comparison of sell-out vs. righteous one and no one receives more love than he who has the courage to stand up to power.

Although this variety of patriotism is common in Chinese newspapers, the 90th is certainly a orgiastic explosion of giant, bold red headlines.

Foreigners Join the Party

Further evidence of widespread Da Shanism, the Red Song craze as also managed to rope in foreign Buttkissers: Five well-dressed Russians singing Red Songs; an African guy in his bedroom with Mao’s Little Red Book (embedded below) and Laowai rappers Mading and Anton with their rendition of a classic Red Song, Yingshan Hong.

The Mighty Unification

Don’t underestimate the power of the Party to bring about the unification of all world religions. A photo of representatives of world religions gathering in Xichang to praise the Party is being passed around the web for everyone to laugh at, which has also managed to skyrocket this Red Song, sung by nuns, to new heights.

Conclusion

Every day brings new laughs. We at Chengdu Living salute all those striving for the Motherland and we wish you the best of luck in the (Red) years ahead.

13 thoughts on “Singing Red Songs”

  1. Pingback: Hao Hao Report
    • if i can squeeze some time in lol … and yeah, @HZ hasn’t communism in general just become a total joke? waving a flag that has no supporters, upholding values that have no bearing, chanting slogans that no one hears … the whole ism has been hijacked by clownsuits draped in red who willfully lobotomize themselves and the ism itself so that an oppressive class system maintains its grip. How fkn twisted is that?

  2. I really didn’t see Chengdu’s populous paying much attention to any celebrations. Everyone was out in full force downtown, busy stocking up on the latest designer goods…

    …from the West!!

    Go team!

  3. I’m re-reading 1984 now and the parallels are frighteningly similar. First reading the book as a young lad, the thought of living in a country that adheres to such principles never crossed my mind:

    “Ignorance is Strength” “War is Peace” Freedom is Slavery” George Orwell.

    Now my main gripe with RED songs is that my apartment is flanked by two primary schools. Both of which seem to compete in “how loud can I crank this crappy PA” stand-off every morning beginning at 7:00 am.

  4. Comedy is a maintenance to sanity, especially living here!!

    @Sasha… All I see thus far in regard to the ‘ism’ is a machine well oiled by ineptitude, upheld by corruption, and until the rural masses are educated out of their transfixed passivity, there will be no changing of the old guard.

    I try to imagine a time when this might be possible, but the lines are so blurred I can’t place it. 10 years? 20? More?

    Meanwhile we can expect to see more Starbucks on more corners!!

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